Debby's Weight Loss Emotional Lessons

By Debby Padilla-Hudson

For years I have tried to eat better, exercise, but knowing all the right things to do didn't seem to help me do it. Finally I met my mentor, who taught me some foundational perspectives that have changed me forever, particularly in regards to food.

I have now lost 143 pounds and reversed many health issues, but most importantly I have very little trouble sticking to the commitment I have to live a healthier lifestyle.

For me, I need to eat a very simple basic low carb diet. I've pretty much figured that over the years but knowing it and doing it were two different things. So what I'd like to focus on rather then the technical aspects are the emotional aspects that have shifted in me to enable me to look at managing my health in a whole new way.

When I met my mentor I was able to hear her advice without taking it personally and be open minded because I was at a point where I felt really ready to get this problem under control. Rather than just knowing what I needed to do, I've actually done it consistently now for nearly three years. I've listed them below in no particular order:

Feelings

I learned that food is not meant to make me "feel" anything. With this foundational belief, I learned that I shouldn't use food for comfort, entertainment, socializing or anything else. I no longer "use" food or feel obligated to eat something inappropriate to spare someone else's feelings. It's more important for me to take care of myself.

Logic

Food is for fuel, and because of this it makes the most sense to use logic to choose my food rather than emotions. Using logic I plan all my foods in advance and journal them and calculate everything and measure everything. If I let my emotions, hunger, friends, schedule or anything else choose my food, I'd be in bad shape.

Planning

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Planning is a foundation of my success. Many times before I'd been stuck in situations where there weren't appropriate healthy foods for me to eat. Even if I did the best I could, I'd be plagued with cravings, over eat, and ultimately not have good results with my weight loss or health. So every day I plan my foods and eat only what I planned and cooked myself.

Hunger

Hunger is my enemy, so I eat plenty of foods, and shoot for quality rather than focusing on quantity.

Low Carb

I follow this simple low carb, anti-candida diet which helps with the physical aspects as it helps keep cravings at bay. I must stick with it 100% or the cravings return with a vengeance.

Addiction

I accept that I am a food addict, and when it comes to certain foods I can NOT do moderation. Those foods are strictly off limits and I maintain abstinence from those foods. I currently have 2 years of abstinence to low carb. There are many people who can NOT do moderation. Meaning they regularly over eat, or go through cycles of under eating and over eating. Or they feel they can't stop themselves with certain foods. I recognize that for me having even small amounts of sugar would be like telling an alcoholic to have one drink.. a slippery slope.

Alcoholic Foods

I've learned that some foods cause me to want to binge, regardless of whether they are low carb/anti-candida or not. So I avoid artificial sweeteners and other fake processed foods and eat a very clean basic diet. The fake sugars for a food addict are like a fake beer for an alcoholic or methadone for a heroin addict... they just keep the sweet tooth going. I limit Stevia and butter because they tend to just make me want more of the same.

Foods

Just Fresh meat, fresh veggies, eggs and healthy oils (Animal fats, coconut oil, etc.). Some people think that I am deprived because I don't eat cupcakes, but to me being deprived is being sick and fat because I choose to eat cupcakes and choose momentary tastes over enjoying the rest of my life.

Values

I've learned to value my health over the taste and enjoyment of any food. Sure I'd love to be able to eat ice cream but I can't do that and be healthy, and I can't even do that in moderation. If I could, I'd have been skinny/healthy a long time ago (because it causes both emotional and physical cravings).

So what I focus on is all of the things I've gained by being healthier and not the foods that I've given up. I don't value those foods - I am not ruled by my taste or by my desire for those foods.

Freedom

After doing this for a while I feel this huge freedom from foods that would always lure me. You know like when you offer someone a piece of candy or some other junk food and you can tell they really feel like they shouldn't take it, but they take it anyway. I have freedom from that and it feels good. I have made my choice, and I stick by that choice, regardless of how others feel about it, or what I might be feeling in any particular moment.

Peace

Along with the freedom I got a lot of peace from the chaos of emotions I had around food. Just thoughts that would go along with eating the foods over and over like "should I have eaten that? Did I eat too much?", etc. I have peace now with that.

Stuffing

I've learned that many times rather than feel a bad emotion, I often stuff it down or distract myself from feeling that emotion by using my food addiction. Now when I feel an emotion, I just allow myself to feel it… no stuffing/numbing/distracting required. These feelings are normal.

Feelings will come and go, and it is OK to feel the feelings I have. However if I have a problem and I eat over it, now I have two problems. Food never makes me feel better, truly relieves my boredom, really helps me feel like I've socialized or any of the things I wanted it to do anyway.

Visualizations

I use visualizations for both positive and negative motivation. When I am tempted by a particular off limit food I visualize how I would feel seeing the gain on the scale, feeling sick, etc. When I am at the gym I visualize having a thinner healthier body, playing with my son with ease, etc.

Rather than visualize the short-lived enjoyment of eating something that will give me pleasure for 10 minutes, I think of all the hours, days, weeks, months of pleasure that choice will take away, by making me gain weight, feel bad, and feel out of control.

Choices

Many understand how important choices are. I choose good health.. it makes choosing bad foods not an option. The two are mutually exclusive.

Integrity

If I cheat I am only cheating myself. But since I am out of denial I can't lie to myself anymore.

Denial

I have come out of denial completely.. I have surrendered to the fact that I can't eat junk and not have consequences. I spent years trying to convince myself that a little bit here and there didn't hurt. I have totally accepted that a little bit does hurt because it leads me into a binge, every time.

Cost/Benefit

I really, really *got* the cost of eating bad foods and how little return I was getting on that. To eat and enjoy that food might take just a few minutes, but then I'd get days and days of sickness, weight gain, guilt, unhappiness, etc. Once I realized the price I was paying for having a party in my mouth and being ruled by my taste buds, and accepted it and realized how sad it was that foods and flavors had taken over my life.

It is definitely not worth it. So even when I'm really tempted, I will look at the food and instead of thinking about how good it will taste for the next few minutes, I think about the long term feeling. I imagine stomach cramps, sitting on the toilet, feeling bloated and tired, acne, etc. Then boy that food doesn't look so good anymore.

Self Respect and Momentum

I can finally look at myself in the mirror and be proud of my choices. Yet another thing that helps me stick with this. As I make good choice after good choice, I feel better about myself, which makes it easier not to eat for purely emotional reasons. In the beginning it is difficult to get this momentum going in the right direction, but it definitely builds.

Giving Up Perfectionism

I have had a few cheats here and there (all with low carb foods but some that aren't as conducive to my health or weight loss). But I no longer beat myself up over those moments. I immediately refocus on the situation, figure out why I made that choice and then figure out a strategy for handling it the next time. Or just move on.

I am not perfect, I never will be, so why would I spend time beating myself up rather than support myself? As I've let those situations go, I find those times are further and further apart.

Support

This lifestyle is HARD. Society, friends, family, self-doubt - they will all tempt me to sway from what I know works for me. This is a war, with me on one side, and everyone else and food on the other. How I defend myself is a good defense and offense. I plan, I eat before I go out places, I communicate with people so they know what I am doing. Most of all I allow myself to be aware that this is hard, I don't let down my guard, and I SUPPORT myself.

Human Nature

I've learned that the nature of humans is to gravitate towards pleasure and away from pain. So it is no surprise that most humans give in to the momentary pleasure of good tasting foods rather than health foods. So I've trained my mind to associate those foods with pain, because that is eventually how I will feel. I look at the long term rather than the short term.

Emotional Maturity

The inner child in me says I want a donut! I have come to view my response and my actions to this as a sign of my maturity level.

Leading With Actions Instead Of Feelings

Rather than sitting down trying to figure out why I feel this way or that, or why I eat these foods, I firstly plan, and act upon my plan, and leave the feelings out of it. Emotions are something I can't rely on, but actions get results!

Priorities And Selfishness (Trickle Down Effects)

Many people I know say they don't have time for this, or think that it's not important. But for me, I've come to see it as a level one priority in my life. Because it's such a high priority level for me, I get it done the same way people wouldn't think twice about shutting off the stove or taking life-saving medications.

This is very important to me. But the reason why it's so important is because I was able to see how many things this effected. When I didn't take care of myself, every DAY would start wrong! I'd roll out of bed cranky, I wouldn't be able to get as much done because I'd be tired, my thoughts would be fuzzy so I couldn't focus on work, I'd have less patience with my family, etc.

Many people don't see what you eat as being that important, but for me it affects everything! I am a better wife, mother, worker, student, etc. when I take the time to eat properly. I have more energy, better moods, and feel better about myself and that all affects every area of my life and every choice I make.

So I don't see taking the time to cook healthy meals or go to the gym as selfish at all. I now see that not taking the time to take care of yourself is selfish. Because the person you become has less abilities then what you could have if you took a little bit of time to take care of yourself. I see my husband with this issue all the time having stomachaches and pains and illnesses all the time because he doesn't take care of himself.

Then I get upset because he is no longer able to be a partner to me and help me because he hasn't helped himself. He gets frequent colds, fatigue, etc. ... all because he'd rather eat pizza.

Results

As my weight has gone down and my health has improved, this has helped with motivation to keep going. Once you start seeing some positive results, which may take a while, it will be easier to stick to this.

I hope this gives you a little bit of insight into my own personal shift on this topic. If there is anything more specific you are dealing with please feel free to email me privately.